Time to reboot...!!!

Sometimes as a person we make mistakes, and sometimes that mistake is falling back into old habits!!!

Often you find yourself in a situation you have been in the past and without a second thought you are shoving your hand into a giant bag of pretzels, or 2 bagels, junk, junk and more junk!

I have been feeling so ill the last few days......just bloated, nauseous, uncomfortable and down right awful :-(

I will be honest I have tried to reach out to some friends that I hoped I could confide in but sadly I was unable to reach anyone and so here I am being accountable.

Due to the original reasons for my weight gains and yo-yo's it has become a reality that I will always need to have a grip on my health and the realisation that I am worth the bloody effort!

The idea that I will always battle my weight is terrifying to me. The idea that I could really f*$k up and gain it all back and more has me stopping as I type. Yes I realise that this was/is me hitting the proverbial wall and yes it sounds 'woe is me' but sometimes you need to focus on yourself - especially when you feel isolated and alone. By this I mean being able to identify to anyone or a situation similar to my own.

I am however my own person, my own story and I now realise my own inspiration. It is going through these moments, days, weeks and food f*$k up's that will make me ultimately stronger and able to rely upon my judgement.

I am no advocate to 'perfection', hell i don't think that even exists, and I do sometimes f*$k up BUT I am learning as I go. Nutrition is and always be my Achilles heel!

I have been soul searching, if that is indeed possible, for a while and I have found that I don't crave an ideal body, or perfect abs or delts... WHAT I WANT IS CONFIDENCE! The ability to stand in front of or walk past a mirror and not grimace!

The final point is; what am I willing to do to achieve inner confidence???

Well honestly I want to smile when I see my reflection or put on a dress. I have NEVER been one to do the whole 'I'll start on Monday' thing but as my husband pointed out tonight, the week starts over on a Monday - why not refocus!

And so I am - my focus is me, as selfish as it may appear. I am the only one who can better my health - my choices and behaviour define me (that is my belief) and I am choosing to continue with my journey.

I am making a dedication - hell even a promise - to myself, my husband and to all of you in the Internet void that I WILL SUCEED and tomorrow is just a good a day as any.

I hope you will all join me in this journey and PLEASE understand that I am only human and I make mistakes.

I am going to go to bed and 'reboot' my drive, mojo and motivation. I will awake in the morning with a feeling of self-worth and accomplishment.

I hope you are all ready to see posts from me everyday :-) you are not rid of me yet lol

Sending love and most of all a smile :-D

Em x